Housework, working from home and self love or self-ish?

Hello, is there anybody there? Got no comments yesterday so thought everyone had run away or gone into hibernation? ;-)

I worked on Saturday morning (went in for a Customer Focus Group) and then dashed from there to a baby shower so it was a pretty intense day and I got home very late. Was meant to spend whole of Sunday doing housework but just vegged out all day - shattered like a zombie.

Anyway, my Mum was always a martyr when I was growing up, and always put others needs before her own, and this rubbed off on me, and into my psychological make-up and DNA. She is not like that now, BUT she has lived in Ireland since 1994/1995 (where she was brought up - she moved back there after bringing me up in UK). Anyway, I haven't been sufficiently exposed to the new her....... (due to her in Ireland) so I am still influenced by the her of my upbringing........... this means I am inherently reluctant to do anything that could be remotely deemed selfish, and when I do, am easily thrown off course, or get defensive............

As this sounds like rambling I best give examples. If my paperwork at work builds up, I never take time out to get on top of it, as I feel like I should be in "service" mode at all times.... The other day, I thought I can't carry on like this, I need to go through my piles... file some things, shred some things etc..... Anyway I must have had a guilty conscience about it....... because although I was "selfish" enough to delve into my files in work time (normal me would normally stay late to do it if at all), the minute my boss said: "what are you doing?" I said: "that is exactly why I never do this, because I know someone will challenge me on it".......... she was like "where on earth did that reaction come from, and no need to be sooooooo defensive!".........

then we bickered a little, and then I said "please let's not row, I don't need a row" and she changed the subject and we ended up having a normal, cheerful conversation........

Anyway, on another similar note, because I offered to go into the Customer Focus Group I wasn't going to ask to take the time back, but because the early start meant I was shattered Sunday and got no housework done...... I emailed my boss yesterday and said tomorrow, can I work from home in the morning and then have the afternoon off as "time back" - she was like "yep no problem" but she emailed me to ask for a list of what I'd do at home in the morning...... I knew she was half joking but I duly emailed her the list AND kept her updated this morning on my progress.

As I have lunch with Victor everyday, he challenged me the other day when he heard I'd be taking time back today. He said "but you went to that Focus Group of your own free will" - I got defensive, but inhaled it and simply replied "Victor, I come to work everyday out of my own free will" - he said "good on you, I come for the wages" :-)

Anyway, after I did my morning working from home, strictly till 12:10, I then jumped in the shower and got dressed (I'd worked in PJs) and then walked, in the gorgeous mid-day sun to the supermarket to get the healthy ingredients I would need for a healthy dinner for me and hubby.

On the way to the supermarket, I stopped into a nail bar (the weather is amazing at the mo and I can't wear sandals due to state of my toes) and booked a pedicure and manicure, but for 2 o'clock.......

I knew I could go do the food shopping and come back, but I knew that would not take till 2, so I thought no problem, I will sit in somewhere for lunch, and then buy ingredients for salad dinner, and then come back to the nail bar.......

Anyway, the other day when Victor and I had our long walk to Moorgate (for him to pay in a cheque) we passed a cafe, with the smell of all day (fried) breakfast coming out....... we resisted temptation but the memory of the temptation and smell stayed with me, so this afternoon even though I was on my way to buy healthy food which I did buy, I did first of all order and eat a cooked breakfast, with ALL the trimmings...

It made me feel sluggish and SO thirsty. I had to drink 2 litres of Evian (water) to recover and can't wait for my healthy salad which I must now go and make..... I did later make it (here is the photo.... which I am adding on to this post at 21:25 - it was yummy - husband and I both enjoyed!)

This post was meant to be about all the housework I have done this afternoon which was such good exercise. As the weather is stunning I have all the windows flung open.....

But, yes, this self love versus self-ish, is a huge issue for me......... I feel the need to reply to emails, rather than keep my inbox and sent items tidy, I feel the need to serve others rather than myself........ I feel like when I was manufactured, the "to serve" function was given too high a listing in my make-up.......

I really hope someone out there can relate to me on this one......... BUT asking to work from home today and taking the half day off was a major thing for me as silly as it sounds....... and walking down the street, in the mid-day sun, on a week-day, when I should be at work felt like bliss (but there was a slight knot in my stomach saying: "Liska, you rebel!").

Bye for now, Liska LIFE!

xxx